Shame?! Why shame?

In which I explain why my curiosity about shame is a soft thing

Okay, okay, I know. You signed up for a newsletter about soft things. Maybe you’re thinking “WTF, Cara. Shame?!” I hear you. Stay with me.

Before we dive into research about shame, let’s dig into why shame? Digging into the why is so important—to make it relevant. After all, that’s what matters.

First: do you know this feeling?

I’m curious about shame because shame sucks. You know what sucks about it?

Shame eats away at the feeling of belonging. And it eats away at this feeling, too:

…the feeling that we’re enough. Shame eats away what makes us feel human.

Sometimes shame makes it hard to show up for ourselves. Shame makes us feel like we can never do enough.

From unlearning so much of what shame taught me…

…and learning what was hidden under shame…

…I’ve become really curious about shame. It’s fascinating.

Psychologist Helen Block Lewis (1971) analyzed transcripts of therapy sessions and reported that the frequency of shame cues was greater than all the other emotional cues combined. Learning that blew my mind.

Shame—and healing from it—has shaped my life, for better or worse.

Healing—“healing” is a loaded term—for so many reasons. For now, I’ll say that working on healing broke me open. I’m remade in some way. There are parts that don’t fit anymore—and that’s okay because they’re not needed.

My superpowers—my resistance and tenacity—that’s me below—

combined with my absolute deepest nerdy joy—

…have led to burning curiosity about shame.

In the spirit of disclosure: I’m not a therapist or psychologist. I’m a scientist, researcher, and human.

I hope you’ll join me as I indulge myself in my deepest joy.

Random aside: I love GIFs so much. I learned how to add that text myself—which was easy and satisfyingly delightful.

See you next week with some process talk.

Because cartoonists love to talk about process :)

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Tell me in the comments:

What do you want to learn about shame?

I’ll add it to my deep-dive list :)

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